Time

 by Charissa Nasrallah   

It was very healing to be back home with my family and teaching.  Many of my friends there were getting married, getting houses and planning to start families and I had just moved back in with my parents.  Yet I felt no shame in this.  As a teacher, I felt I had all the children I needed. 

I understand it’s natural to want to reproduce, but lately humanity seemed to be running out of time for all their offspring.  To me it seemed a person’s desire to reproduce their genes might only be another attachment to the physical self, which was only a temporary state of being.  It was this notion of transcending the self that drove me to the decision I might want to forego my rights of reproducing, though I knew this would not be an easy instinct to repress. 

I wanted to be a mother as much as any other woman, but I got the opportunity to fulfill this need every day I went to work.  I feared many people might consider me crazy for wanting to put my ideas rather than my genes into the future, but it was what my gut instinct was telling me to think.  In time I figured the best genes were going to win out anyway, one way or another.

The majority of people most likely want what’s best for the future of humanity and the planet.  To me we are all hoping to help each other, therefore it’s pointless to me to pick out others as enemies. I teach other’s to conserve the wilderness since so many people I knew found peace there.  I also feared we would lose the fight to insects without the birds and amphibians to keep things under control.

So that was it.  I had arrived at a time in my life where I had become one of those dreaded “Save Humanity” type of people I had once snickered at in college. I knew I could never carry out my concerns for the future alone, but I was hoping to at least get the ball rolling in the right direction.

I waited about a year for the final offer in the outcome of my case. I have attended work meetings where there is a lot of talking and very little action, and I knew words were only as good as the ideas they embrace or the actions they stand for. It was a while before I heard any news from South Carolina, and I patiently waited over a month after the deadline of my case.

The park was willing to offer me the $7,000 plus reinstatement, but they were requiring that I agree to never mentioning this event again. A good friend confided in me that this was my fight and I could stop fighting at any point I chose.

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